"There's a stone on my pillow
Where my head should be
I'm a weeping willow
I'm on my knees
It's a jealous sunrise
Tear me from the womb
And hands cover my eyes
Still the sun gets through
And when it all comes down
You can't turn around."
--- Brother "Blackest of Blue"
Giles'
hand shook as he grabbed his luggage off the carrier. His worst fears jelled
the instant he got the call from Buffy. He wished he could say it was unexpected
but it wasn't. Maybe he should have warned Buffy and Tara more strenuously.
He knew they had seen the same signs as he had and they had to know the worst
was coming. But they were closer to the problem than he was, younger, less experienced,
maybe even more trusting. He should have made it clearer to them.
He
regretted his choice of going back to England but at the time it seemed like
the thing to do. He had been rapidly going from Buffy's Watcher to her surrogate
father. She had been heaping all the household responsibilities on him from
bill paying to disciplining Dawn and it was time to leave and let her grow up.
It had nearly killed him to do so especially seeing the look of betrayal on
Buffy's face when he told her.
"Giles!"
He whirled. He almost didn't recognize the three young people he had come to
think of as his own. Buffy's eyes were bloodshot and ringed with black. Xander,
a deep cut over his cheek, held Anya steady. Her head was swathed in bandages
and bruises stood out on her pretty face.
"I'm s-sorry it came to this," he said as Buffy threw her arms around
him.
Buffy's
answer was the hot tears soaking through his shirt. Giles stroked her hair.
"How could this have happened?" Xander's voice dripped with pain
and betrayal.
"Too much power," Giles muttered. "Tara and D-Dawn?"
"Dawn's in school. Tara disappeared, Giles. I'm afraid she went after
Willow." Buffy took a step back, wiping at her puffy face.
"Let's get out of here and you can finish telling me about it," Giles
said, hefting his luggage while Buffy grabbed his carry-on.
Once they were in Xander's car, heading back for the Summer's residence, they
sat in uncomfortable silence trying to find the best way to talk about the unthinkable.
"Did you know, Giles?" Buffy asked finally. "Did you know it
could come to this?"
He
took off his glasses, wiping them. The accusation in her voice gutted him. "Yes.
You knew I was worried about all the magic Willow was using. I know you overheard
our fights."
"She accused me of taking your side more than once." Buffy closed
her eyes. "She accused Tara of it, too. I- I don't understand how it happened."
Buffy gulped as tears started again. "Giles, she is my best friend. She's
known Xander almost all their lives. And she attacked us."
"Do-do you know what s-set her off?" Giles asked.
"She's been using magic for almost everything," Xander said. "I
can remember fighting with her sometimes then-there's like holes in my memory."
"She is easily c-capable of casting a forget spell. It's easy-it's too
tempting. I had thought- when Angel turned on you B-Buffy, to try but it's not
right. I learned my lessons about magic the hard way long ago." Giles threw
her an apologetic look and she reached over, taking his hand. "After she
took all our memories, I should have realized she hadn't learned not to mess
with that spell."
"She started just taking things she needed from the Magic Box. I know
a college student can't afford everything she wanted but I can't just make exceptions
for payment," Anya said. "We talked about it. She started paying and
the money would just disappear."
Xander slammed a hand down on the steering column. "Damn it. I can't understand
this. We love her. Why didn't we see this coming? We should have done something
to help."
"I'm not sure you c-could have," Giles said softly. "I t-tried
to warn her and she threatened me."
"Giles, that was more like a rant if you're talking about when you first
learned I was-back," Buffy said. "But I heard her threaten you. I
think Spike did, too. We knew something was wrong but we were all too afraid,
too numb to do anything."
"We never thought it could come to this," Xander
said.
"I don't know how we missed seeing it," Buffy said.
"Eyes will not see when the heart wishes them to be blind. Desire conceals
truth as darkness does the earth," Giles said and they all stared at him.
He knew the look. They were waiting to hear what musty tome that had come from.
"Seneca," he added and they just nodded blankly.
They all fell silent for the rest of the drive. Giles wished he could have
found something to make them all feel better, but in this case words were inadequate.
The sense of betrayal was too deep, too fresh and raw for that. While he had
feared this very thing happening, he had convinced himself that it couldn't.
They were all too close, too good-hearted for something like this to occur.
Yet it had. No one said anything more until the Summer's residence came into
view.
Buffy opened the door. Dawn stood in the foyer, hands white-knuckled around
a baseball bat but she relaxed seeing her sister.
"Dawn, what are you doing here? I told you to go to school," Buffy
snapped.
"Buffy, it's four o'clock," Dawn said. "I didn't know where
else to go after school. I was hoping you guys were Tara." Dawn looked
over at Giles, her bottom lip trembling. She dropped the bat and flung her arms
around him. She wept against his chest as he stroked her hair.
"Has Tara been back at all?" Buffy asked.
"Not that I could tell," Dawn mumbled.
"You still haven't told me what c-caused all of this," Giles said
gently.
Buffy motioned him to follow her. Abandoning his luggage in the foyer he trailed
after her. Anya and Dawn didn't follow them into the basement but Xander did.
Giles paused on the stairs, assaulted by the strong, sickly sweet stench like
meat left too long on the barbeque. Buffy stabbed a hand at the cot and it took
Giles several moments to realize what he was looking at wasn't a heap of blankets.
The face was no longer recognizable, nothing but a mass of charred flesh, running
with straw yellow plasma leakage and bluish pus. Teeth gleamed whitely from
a lip-less mouth and the scalp was burnt, cracked and nothing remained to suggest
this unfortunate once had hair. Buffy pulled the blanket back from what had
been a man, now swathed in damp bandages streaked and spotted with the same
fluids running from his burnt face. Fingers poked out from some of the dressings,
burned nearly to the bone.
"S-S-Spike?" Giles questioned, knowing it had to be. Nothing human
would still be alive.
Pulling on latex gloves from the box by the cot, Buffy nodded. She started
to peel away the dressings from his arms, gagging as hunks of dead flesh stuck
to the bandages. Underneath the tissues were healing. "I actually called
Angel and Wesley to find out how to treat Spike. They're too busy with skin-eating
demons to come to Sunnydale immediately but they'll try to get here. Wesley
promised me the saline and the bandages would clean the wounds and let them
heal." Buffy babbled more so she wouldn't have to think about what she
was doing more than anything else. "I was going to stake him as a mercy
but then he looked at me and started talking. He's not quite ready to give up."
Giles sat on the other side of the unconscious vampire and started helping
Buffy. "And Willow did this?"
"Yes. It all started like Xander and Anya said, with little things and
little fights. Giles, she was using magic for everything, absolutely everything."
"I know. And I did warn her the b-best I could but she wasn't listening."
"Well, three days ago we were all out on patrol and I know she was just
trying to help but she didn't listen to Tara when she told her a Delon demon
could reflect back magic. It was like she was some kind of know-it-all and she
totally disregarded Tara's warning. Spike and I were nearly fried," Buffy
said.
Giles jumped as the arm he was working on moved when a large area of flesh
pulled free with the dressing. Spike's eyes opened and the raw facial muscles
twitched even though there were no lips to quirk up.
"'Allo, Rupert," Spike rasped out.
"I was hoping you'd sleep through this, this time," Buffy said, concern
shining in her eyes.
"Hurts-too much. Hungry."
Buffy glanced over at Xander who nodded.
"I'm on it," Xander said and headed back upstairs.
"The b-backfired magic did this?" Giles asked hopefully. The alternative
was too hard to think about.
"I wish. This might have been forgiven," Buffy said.
Spike mumbled something that sounded like 'No bloody way,' but his charred
lips mushed the syllables.
"She just attacked?" Giles' pale eyes dimmed at the thought.
"It wasn't-I guess, it was like that. Tara and I both pressed her about
the magic. Maybe we jumped her too hard, put up too much of a united front against
her." Buffy glanced away. "I know how I felt when you all attacked
me when Angel first came back. It was the most alone and friendless I've ever
felt. We didn't mean to make Willow feel like that but we were frightened and
afraid. We were worried about her. We thought intervention was the way to go."
"I've been worried about Willow ever since she gave Angel back his soul,"
Xander said, returning with blood in a squeeze bottle. "Cordelia told me
just how scary it was when Willow's eyes went black and she started casting
the spell in a language no one knew."
"Spike, we have to sit you up." The apology was ingrained in Buffy's
voice.
She glanced over at Giles. He nodded. Together they drew Spike up into a semi-reclining
position. Buffy flinched as Spike screamed. Xander handed Buffy the bottle.
She squeezed some of the blood into Spike's mouth as he had no lips to suck
with. Some of the warmed fluid dribbled down his chin.
Giles watched and wondered why the vampire was even hanging on. What made a
Slayer want to care for him? Was this a failing on his part that Buffy could
have this much compassion for a vampire? Or was it a strength of character given
Spike's willingness to help in the past? Giles suspected the vampire had taken
this kind of punishment to protect Buffy or maybe Dawn.
"How did this happen, Buffy?" Giles asked as she fed Spike a little
more.
"Willow tried to run off on us. She didn't want to face up to what she
did. Anya and I tried to get between her and the door. Willow did some sort
of magic and flung us out of the way." Xander took a deep breath trying
to rein in his temper. "Anya hit her head. I slammed into Dawn. That's
when Willow ran out and Spike went after her. He got pissed because Dawn got
banged up."
"That's when she wigged out and fireballed him," Buffy said, squirting
more blood into Spike's mouth. His head sagged as his throat worked wearily.
"We couldn't move. How could we even understand what was happening? This
was worse than when Angel betrayed us. At least he had an excuse."
"Buffy put Spike out before he went up as dust-not that she was doing
him any favors," Xander said, his eyes nervously trying not to look at
the scorched vampire.
"What if it had been one of us who went after her, Giles? We would have
died." Buffy's voice cracked. "No one went after her at first-not
after what happened to Spike. We tried to stop Tara but she snuck out during
the night. She might have cast a finding spell. I don't know. I'm afraid to
know." Buffy sniffled then lost control. Tears ran down her face, dripping
onto Spike. He reached up and touched her cheek with his charred fingers then
let his arm fall back with a moan.
Giles moved around the cot and caught Buffy in his arms. "I wish I could
say something to make this b-better but I c-can't," he whispered.
"We don't even know if Tara's alive. If she caught up with Willow and
Willow was still in the same frame of mind she was when she cooked Spike-"
Xander let the thought trail away.
"It's too horrible to think about. She loves Tara. Willow couldn't hurt
her," Buffy insisted, going to give Spike more blood but he was unconscious
again.
"B-Being betrayed by someone you love hurts the most. You know that, Buffy,"
Giles said, hating to make her think about Angel's reversion at a time like
this. "She might want to hurt Tara the most after this-and they both could
be on the offensive."
"I have to believe Willow will come to her senses, Giles. " Buffy
stabbed a finger down at Spike. "This isn't Willow. I don't know what it
is. Maybe part of the backlashed spell gone wrong. Maybe it made her a little
crazy."
"Magic is intoxicating, Buffy. You c-can't know the power. It can make
what you do as the Slayer seem paltry." Giles pursed his lips, remembering
the wonderful heady feeling he used to get when Eyghon took over his body. There
was little that competed with that sense of power. "I almost didn't pull
back from the edge when I was Willow's age. It took the death of one of my friends
and I'll do all I can to prevent Willow from having to p-pay that p-price."
"Can you do anything really?" Xander asked.
"I c-can start with a finding spell of my own. Not to find Willow. It's
p-probably for the best I don't look for her straight away. She might be able
to track the spell back to me. I'll see if I can find Tara and get her back
here to come up with a better plan than just running after Willow willy-nilly."
"Is there anything you need from us, Giles?" Buffy asked.
"I need to get upstairs and get the necessary spell ingredients out of
my luggage. Xander, you may have to run to the Magic Box for some of the things
I need," he replied.
"Anything you need, G-man."
"Let's finish tending to Spike first," Giles said.
"I'll do it. You get that spell ready, Giles," Buffy said, frustration
thickening her voice.
Giles didn't blame her. She was the Slayer, after all, used to enemies she
could hit and kill. This time the problem was her best friend and despite her
actions no one - well perhaps Spike - wanted Willow hurt or dead. Leadenly he
went back up the stairs with Xander trailing after him.
